OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
