Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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