32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
