i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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