so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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