My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
