If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
