You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
