I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
