Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
