Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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