Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
