rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize