im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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