I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
