I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize