WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
