i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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