I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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