Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
