who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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