dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
