It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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