I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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