Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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