WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize