If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
