Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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