Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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