I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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