I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize