I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize