I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
