I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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