my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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