No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
