Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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