This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
