I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
