I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
