So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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