bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
