Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
