The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
