Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
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i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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