her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
