I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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