I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
