you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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