She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
