I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
