She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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