Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
