Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
