i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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