I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
