Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
