Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
