I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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