My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she looked like the before picture.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
