does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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