you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
