yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
