I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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