in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
