I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
