I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Bring me that man meat
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
