i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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