I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
