Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
